September 18, 2009

Draft 2

Here's another version of the poem I posted earlier this week. It's still not done, but I like where it's going, especially now that I have made it a prose poem.

Part of your pours out of me in these lines from time to time

When a shirt goes missing, and I wonder if it's in your closet, until I remember our closets are no longer close enough to consume each other's clothes. Absence fills me with its presence - the imprint on a mattress that never regained its original form. Memories lurk around the house like wine stains on a favorite couch. Sometimes I forget which ideas were truly mine, and which I took from you, molded and distorted until they fit with the rest of my lines.

3 comments:

Michelle Johnson said...

Hello Dorla~ I'm impressed with this version very much. It brings such feeling to the page. It makes me feel as though this couple had a life together, good/ bad. You've made a story rise from the absence of a shirt and made the reader wish to know what happened to end such a relationship where obviously they carry each others baggage. Well done. I look forward to seeing the rest of this play out. Have a great weekend.

AgSynclair said...

I like both versions, but I'm not sure I can pick one over the other...both versions work beautifully.

Crafty Green Poet said...

this is lovely, sad and beautiful