January 18, 2011

Confession Tuesday

I confess that though I'm trying to eat out less often, my main downfall is breakfast tacos. For some reason, my brain doesn't consider grabbing some tacos while I'm out doing my morning errands as "eating out." "Eating out" connotes a full sit-down meal in a restaurant, or ordering appetizers while out on drinks with friends - not grabbing some tacos to-go while on a grocery run. I think this is because I don't eat fast food. I haven't been through a real drive-thru in nearly five years at this point. And while taco places aren't drive-thrus (typically, at least, though there are a few exceptions around town), it's the same principle: I'm just grabbing some (cheap) tacos as I go about my day. That's not really eating out. Except it is. While tacos are cheap, they would be even cheaper to make at home. They're not especially time-consuming, either. I need to remember that getting tacos really does count as eating out.

Totally unrelated to tacos, I confess that I've been having trouble getting back in my writing routine since getting sick. About a week and a half ago, I got severe food poisoning that had me out of commission for 3 days. For some reason, it's been really hard to get back in my routine. I think it's because the day before I got sick, I had family in town for 9 days. And while I did an admirable job of writing every day despite the distraction, I was still distracted. Add that to being sick and not being able to write at all (it was too much effort for my body to sit upright and focus on the computer screen), and you have a perfect recipe for losing track. Since then, I have been prone to distraction - and a weekend-long dance competition this past weekend didn't help. I'm hoping to get my chores done early this morning and then focus intently on writing for 5 solid hours this afternoon, until it's time to go to dance.

I also confess to feeling lost in my work because I have so many incomplete projects. There's a new novel I'm drafting and I'm not sure where it's going. The more I work on it, the more things fall into place, but it's still very fresh, new, and unfinished, and it makes me nervous. And I have two characters I want to write a story about, but the story itself is slow in coming together. I have a lot of projects undergoing revision, but nothing close to being done. It's frustrating to feel like I don't know the next time I'll see a completed piece. I know it's nothing about my value as a writer, because I know I can finish and submit projects. I know that I will soon enough. I know that sometimes, these phases happen, and that sooner or later I'll have a lot of finished pieces and be freaking out about where my next idea is going to come from. It's just weird to have so little finished right now. It makes me feel insecure.

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